Scary Ellie

Today, right this moment in fact, is chaotic and stressful, and I have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to simultaneously throw up and scream.

In moments of stress, I usually turn into this person who I call, “Crazy, Insane, Psycho, I’m-gonna-bitch-slap-your-ass Ellie.” She’s not pretty. She’s not fun. She’s not nice. My friends and family call her, “Scary Ellie.” She looks a lot like this cat

Before I continue on, I’d like to quickly comment about “Scary Ellie”:

Comment 1: She is me. I am her. Sometimes, I like to separate myself from her. I say, “That’s not who I am; that’s just what I do when I’m stressed.” But the thing is, “Scary Ellie” is me. “Scary Ellie” shows the world that I am a person, fleshy, evil, completely self-centered. She shows that outside of the grace of God, I am completely incapable of considering anyone else besides myself. She proves that unless God transforms my mind, I live thinking that I am the most important being alive.

Comment 2: “Scary Ellie” is impossible for me to overcome in my own strength. But with God, with Christ, with the Holy Spirit, she is powerless. She does not get to own my actions; she does not get to own my thoughts. When Jesus defeated sin and death on the cross, he defeated “Scary Ellie,” and all the other awful, sinful, fleshy parts of me! Praise God!

Bringing me to what I really want to say: God is good. He is worthy to be praised, not just when I’m happy or depressed or overwhelmed, but also when I’m angry and frustrated. My prayer today when I woke up, when I was clueless of the stress this day held, was that I would serve the Lord with gladness. I realize in these moments that I am to serve the Lord by not freaking out, by being kind and loving even when I want to scream and hit something or someone. And through the great strength of God and the prayers of my faithful friends, I am doing it!

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