1) The vlog series is going to be crazy this week. Lots of videos will be posted. It is in full swing.
2) I got a new job at a new school in a new position. I am excited and scared, but mostly excited. Even though I struggle, struggle, struggle every day with pride, greed, lust, selfishness, wrath, unfaithfulness, [insert sinful behavior here] and the consequences that come along with those sins, I still receive blessings. It goes to show you: prosperity gospel is a myth. God gives because He is good, not because I am good. I am also in the process of buying a house. It turns out that this process may take about 3 months longer than expected, which means I need to throw away my calendar/expectations/plans, and do as my dad said, “Just go with the flow, Ellie. Go with the flow.”
3) I’ve been really struggling with and through sins right now – and I mean conscious sins, not “oops I did it again” sins. I’m trying to brush it off, and say, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” which is true. But in the same breath I must remember, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free,” meaning that God desires that I be set free from my sins. Free. Like all the way free. It’s funny – last week my church began a sermon series about the Holy Spirit. I’ve thought about the Spirit all week long, but I haven’t really prayed to live in and by and with the Spirit live and active in my life.
But why not? Why don’t I do that? Why don’t I relinquish control of my life and let the Spirit move and work? It all stems from the same place – control. My biggest sin – the sin from which all other baby sins are born – is control. I love it; I crave it; I worship it every single hour, every single day of my life. And I literally screw up everything all the time because I am a person who LOVES being in control. I want to excuse myself; I want to blame someone else for my control issues, but at the end of the day regardless of where I got them from I have them now, and they are mine. I cannot “pass them off” to the person who I claim gave them to me. I have to own my major control problem, and I have to work towards redemption every second of every day in order to overcome it.
All that said, I recognize that the only way in which I can be redeemed from this horrible monster called control is to live by the Spirit. I don’t know how to do that, but I figure if I pray for it, seek it, listen to it, I will learn how to live by it.